10 Days of Silence!
I've been putting this off for many reasons.
I'm still struggling to grasp how I actually feel about it. 10 days of silence is a meeting of oneself on levels previously unknown and that was very uncomfortable. I met parts of myself I didn't know I had and I'm not sure I'm ready to talk about them yet. It feels like a fresh wound that still hurts when exposed to the elements.
The rules of Vipassana are clear cut and simple (but NOT easy):
-noble silence which is no communication of any kind: no speaking, no gestures, no reading or writing
-meditate 11 hours a day starting at 4:30 am ending at 9 pm. 3 of these you practice self-discipline by not opening your eyes, hands or legs
-Practice Anicca (impermanence) with equanimity. Come back to the practice without judgement.
I am a verbal and kinesthetic processor. I talk and move to understand and feel what I'm going through. So sitting for 11 hours a day and not being able to even journal my thoughts/feelings was HARD!
Every break we had I was walking the trails above the dorm and taking in the beautiful scenery of the Lava Hot Springs Idaho valley and mountains. Sunsets, sunrises and stargazing became the best entertainment ever!
I have a current practice of sun gazing and try to watch the sun rise and set every day already, but this was a whole new level of witnessing this magickal rebirth and death of light daily! The stars were also incredibly brilliant and bright as I live in a city where light pollution affects my ability to see the stars very clearly.
One night I looked up and felt like I could almost fall into the void of darkness between the points of light from the stars. It was a deeply provocative and profound feeling I've never experienced while stargazing.
One morning it was snowing and this woman stood outside the meditation hall holding her flashlight up to the sky watching the snow fall through the beam of light. It was mesmerizing. I stood and watched the snowflakes dance and fall through that light as long as she held the light up. During the day I marveled at each tiny snowflake with its intricate and individual designs. I'd take a handful and throw it in the air to watch it glitter down and around me like magickal fairy dust!
I cried over squash soup one lunchtime. It was a dance of colors and flavors that overtook me. The combination of sensations was so much it couldn't be contained in my body so ir spilled out through my eyes as my body shook with sobs from the pleasure of it all. Bright yellow squash, deep dark forest green kale, fire truck red bell peppers, emerald green peas, orange carrots and savory, salty, creamy textures plus the steam and warmth overwhelmed my senses with joy and gratitude for this beautiful, delicious and nutritious food.
I broke the 'rules' 3 times.
1- On one of my walks I was watching a little mouse run through it's maze of tunnels it created in the snow. I saw it's little head peek out to look at me. I spoke, out loud, to it and caught myself in the middle of saying "Hi there lil buddy!" I hurried a glance around to see if anyone had noticed I broke noble silence to speak to such a tiny creature. Shook my head and giggled at my innocent and unconscious mess up.
2- On Thanksgiving Day, day 8 of the Vipassana, I was missing my kids terribly and having some massive mom guilt. I was lying sobbing on my bed and called out to my Grandma in my mind asking her for help and comfort. She's a constant spirit guide for me that I typically call in and commune with daily but had dropped that spiritual practice for this 10 days.
3- On day 10, after we were invited to break noble silence, I was PISSED! I was NOT ready to talk, I felt like I had failed and wasted 10 days and just couldn't join the others in their giggles of delight to finally vocalize. I took a hike and asked for a sign from Spirit. A few moments later a hawk flew south directly over my head. I gave thanks to the hawk because I now knew I would be ok to go and talk with the others.
The last two don't seem like obviously rule breaking. However...Vipassana asks you to set aside your spiritual practices to give this technique 100% chance. Calling in my Grandma and asking for a sign is not part of their practice.
The day we got our phones back I wasn't ready to turn it on. My husband and I had booked a room in downtown Lava to integrate together before going home to the chaos of life and kids. I asked him to check his phone to make sure the kids were all ok.
When I finally felt ready, I turned my phone on and almost couldn't look at it. It was SO BRIGHT it almost hurt my eyes. It was like I was on psychedelics and everything was brighter and more intense.
Bottom line, 10 Days out of the Shimmer was incredible. I would recommend it to everyone. The level of gratitude for the smallest things increases. You awareness of yourself amplifies. Your senses magnify. 10/10 recommend!
The above picture is an image of one of the sunsets the Vipassana teacher sent!
P.S. I recorded a podcast sharing more of my experience as well as chatting with another woman who was with me for those 10 days. We dive deep into the Vipassana Vs Reiki Controversy you can watch here.
